This one makes me cringe so hard I pull a neck muscle.
Say it with me — a little louder for the people in the back:
What. Got. You. Here. Won’t. Get. You. There.
We’ve all heard it in some form:
- The church rummage sale won’t add a Venmo option — “we’ve never done that before.”
- You suggest a new PTO fundraiser? “That kind of thing just doesn’t work here.”
- In relationships: “That’s how my parents always did it.”
- Or the corporate classic wrapped in fake reverence:
“That’s how Mr. Smith built this company. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Except… maybe it is broken.
Or maybe it’s just outdated, inefficient, and dragging people along when it could be lifting them up.
Why It’s Toxic (and Where It Comes From)
“That’s how we’ve always done it” is fear… disguised as tradition.
It’s not always malicious — sometimes it’s just someone trying to protect what’s familiar. But comfort zones make terrible leaders. Growth doesn’t come from doing the same thing again and hoping this time it hits different.
At its core? This mindset is rooted in a lack of trust.
I, as the “leader,” don’t believe that you, as my teammate/employee/spouse/kid… have anything of value to add here. Or worse — I don’t think you’re smart enough, committed enough, or capable enough to suggest a better way.
And maybe that’s not intentional. Maybe they don’t realize how small it makes people feel. But awareness is the starting line for growth — and if you never stop to look around, you’ll just keep running in the same dusty circle.
And let’s be honest: it’s also often about insecurity.
Because what if trying something new forces us to confront something old?
- If we switch to a better payroll system… does that mean I’ve been inefficient all along?
- If this new youth curriculum brings better results… was I holding us back?
- If my husband can load the dishwasher faster and cleaner… was I just being lazy?
And then — because I promised y’all honesty — there’s also a hefty scoop of pride baked into this approach.
Sometimes people don’t push back because your idea is bad.
They push back because it threatens the role they’ve built for themselves — the expert, the fixer, the one who knows the right way.
It’s not about the old system.
It’s about their status in it.
And when someone ties their identity to being the one with all the answers, every new idea feels like an attack — even if it’s objectively better.
The Bottom Line:
If someone can’t separate their worth from their method, they’ll defend dysfunction just to protect their ego.
That’s when you have a choice to make:
💡 Can we reroute this with grace and conversation?
🚪 Or is it time to run before their insecurity becomes your ceiling?
Taming the Toxicity…
I’m not saying throw out every tradition. I love a good “this is how we do it” moment when it’s working. But we should always be looking for better ways to do life — because the opposite of growth? That’s stagnation. Or worse… slow death.
To be a great leader, you’ve got to set the greatest example.
That means:
- Flexibility
- Humility
- And treating people with respect — no matter their title, paycheck, or what they can offer you.
So depending on how closely you’re tied to one of those “We’ve Always Done It This Way” folks, you get to decide:
➡️ Can I reroute this conversation?
➡️ Or is it time to run?
And sure, maybe “run” isn’t the most mature word… but it flows, so we’re rolling with it. 😉
That said, sometimes you can’t leave the job. Or the team. Or the relationship. That doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself.
Even if you can’t change the situation, you can still “run” from the mindset.
You don’t have to shrink just to keep someone else comfy in their stuckness.
Gospel & Grit 
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